I Got What I Wanted- What’s Next?

“Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child— What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.” - Michell Obama, Becoming

Where do you see yourself five years from now? After that, what’s next?

"Life is a continuous learning process. We never stop to a certain point and say we finally reached the finish line. No one was meant to cross that line."

What do I really want in life?

I was never sure what kind of life I want for myself. There were times when I thought of becoming a successful certified public accountant— I wanted to become a CPA-Lawyer, just to add a little pride to it. There were also times where I wanted to pursue a career in performing arts— I wanted to be a theatre actor, the best one! The one who can shed tears even before the sound of a snap. I also remember daydreaming of having my travel blog— the Sadboi Diary World Tour Edition, I thought. Meh. But grounding myself in reality, all are just a wish upon a star. I mean, where do I fit in all of these?

I usually hear from my friends whenever we see each other that they are now sure of what they want in the future. Some of them plan to raise a family back in our small hometown while others opt to work abroad and test their faiths by applying as domestic helpers—which is a good-paying job! I sometimes feel left behind of all their certainties in life. How could they think that way knowing that we are only a year or so in our 20s? Surely, it is frustrating to think how the batch valedictorian, glorious as perceived by others, is not sure where to point his compass.

Right now, I am working on a project funded by the Commission on Higher Education that is headed by my college Alma Mater. I am enjoying good compensation. I am thrilled that I can be connected to some of my previous professors. I am doing fine. No worries. It’s just that I don’t know. Is this the life I wanted? Maybe. Sure. As long as I am receiving a monthly salary, I think I’m good with that.

You see, I am confused. I do not know where this is coming from. All I can remember was I had a plan. I’ve been telling people that I will go to Law School and become a lawyer. Give back to my family, help them away from financial hardships, pay for my siblings' education, and be a breadwinner. All simple. Hard to achieve.

I think I need to revisit my life plans in order to realize what my heart desires.

Got my new iPhone! Then what?

It is pretty fulfilling going back to the times where I always fancy having the latest iPhone, watching reviews on YouTube, researching for its high-end specifications, imagining how my life turns out if I already have the phone in my possession, and bragging to social media that I finally have a three-camera phone. Now, I stopped dreaming. I stopped researching. I stopped. And I asked myself: “What’s next?”

Honestly, I am not sure. It feels like I already reached the pinnacle of life. Maybe I should get an iPad to complete my Apple collection? Who knows? I know it sounds shallow but I know you get my point. We all have our predilection. So mind your own business.

My point is when we get what we want, you might want to make sure that you know what you want next. We do not stop at something. We must strive for me. Well, some might say it is greedy, but I will argue it will never be! It’s just that we know what we want for ourselves and we know we can. I don’t see anything wrong with that. As I said, no one is meant to cross THAT line.

Is confusion bad and sad?

You see, langga, being confused makes you driven and motivated every day. Our inability to predict our definite future gives us the sense of living, that is to strive and become better from our previous selves. We often see life as a race where we set a finish point without us realizing that there is still a long run after that.

Being confused has its own magic. I mean, it gives us the feeling of being alive! We do not see what is ahead of us and we keep wishing that it will be as our plan for ourselves. That I realized in the past days that life is no as absolute as we ever imagined. Sure, our destiny is pre-arranged but it is the highest Dude above that has an access to it.

Funny how we rush to achieve all our dreams as if it’s a race as if our days are counted—which is relatively true, but my point is, our dreams are our direction. The reason why destiny delays our success is that it wants us to take our time in enjoying our lives. We should seek success but not compromise our lives. What I mean is that we should live our lives to the fullest! YOLO, yet disciplined. See.

Go and enjoy the life we had! Anyway, you want it! But never forget to make sure that your compass works!